How To Deal With Desire
As a Nonduality Teacher and Coach I get lots of questions about desires people have.
Nonduality or oneness is the idea of living in flow and letting go of (mind)control. Not to do by thinking, which is ego-based orientation, but to do by being, which is soul-based orientation. This is how I help people from doing to being. I help them to let go of must-do’s, rules and convictions and just be free.
One of the tools the ego has to resist freedom is to think: ‘What about my desires?’ If I let go and stop fixing, forcing and doing, what happens to me? Will I become a beggar? A loser? Or something minor 😭😭?
And to truly answer this question I want to help you understand how desires work: First a desire pops in your head. Where did it come from? Was it you? No. It just happened and that’s ok. Now is desire a problem, as some spiritual teachings say? No, not at all.
What automatically happens after is that your focus shifts to realize this desire when appropriate. So no problem here. We automatically look for avenues to realize desires (that have come up randomly). This can lead to natural inspiration and actions.
What can happen is that here the ego kicks in. It starts to insist that this desire needs to be fulfilled NOW.. and that this reality in which the desire is not fulfilled is a problem. Which is total BS of course and creates resistance to the now… and what you resist persists, so the desire can not be realized naturally.
This can lead to the forcing of some action that does not feel appropriate. We need to start now, do something, create a routine, habit, rules, hustle, because the ego is in resistance. With this need to change, this personal insistence, we block the natural energy flow to our desire. We block our inspiration with desperation to DO SOMETHING that we’ve Googled or that has worked for others or other ego-based stuff.
Society is big on the conviction that we need to work hard with lots of stress etc. This is again ego BS.All inspiration and inspired action happens naturally when we chill and keep our heads cool.
So as one of my teachers (John de Ruiter) says: “Desire is not the problem, it’s personal insistence that is the problem.”
Personal insistence actually blocks the realization of our desires. Desires manifest faster when you let go, and live from oneness (Nonduality) because there is no one (no person or ego) that is resisting the natural next step to take to build up momentum to the realization of your desires.
Does that mean that everything happens exactly as I (the ego) wants and is comfortable with? Not necessary, but mostly yes.
Sometimes we think a certain outcome would be good but in the bigger scheme of things it isn’t. So, life helps us by guiding us on a different path. When we set aside our personal insistence, acknowledge the desire and let go, then the best that can happen for us will happen.
It may not be comfortable at first but this way we use our human life for what it is meant for: soul expansion with the help of this physical plane, that helps us realize the implications of our desires and choices.
Happy living🙏🌀
Cheers Kees.